Community Inquiry

About a year or two leading up to COVID I rarely took a group yoga class. The majority of my practice was spent alone in my office guiding myself through asana and meditation or moving through a pre-recorded flow taught by my teacher online. It was my preferred situation.

I like being alone. I like my quiet time. And my practice is just meant for me.

It’s taken me awhile to realize I’m in the minority here. Turns out a self guided practice or moving along with a video leaves practitioners feeling like something’s missing.

Early in COVID I was jazzed to have access to live, online classes with my teacher. He’s in San Francisco and I haven’t taken a live class with him since 2017. After a few weeks of live classes it dawned on me that it wasn’t just his class I was looking forward to - I was excited to see other faces practicing right there with me. Out of the 50+ students in the Zoom class I may have known a couple personally, but it didn’t matter. I was simply pleased to know there were other people in the world moving through the same flow for one hour.

I gained more insight into the importance of group-learning when I launched Voyager: Online Collective Yoga Exploration in the fall of 2020. My intention for the program was to connect with a consistent group of students and build upon concepts over time. Little did I realize the structure led to something very special - community.

I have never considered myself to be a community organizer or connector. Again, I like my alone time. I’m pretty introverted and need my space to feel like a whole, functioning human. And yet, during a very strange and challenging time in history, I have found myself organizing opportunities for folks to feel connected to a community.

As much as I harp on the idea that yoga is a practice of self inquiry, I also have to acknowledge that the practice of yoga can be a process of community inquiry. Sometimes it’s less about connecting to your own mental and emotional states and more about connecting with the people you are practicing alongside.

If you aren’t back to in-person group classes, I understand. If you’re missing the experience of moving and breathing in a physical space with community, I understand. Although a virtual community isn’t exactly the same as sharing physical space with people, just know that it is possible. It is possible to connect with others and establish community even while we’re in our own Brady Bunch squares.

Whether you’re practicing in studios, virtually, or on your own, I hope you know there’s community supporting you along the way.

But Don't You Miss Yoga Studios?

A lot of unexpected things have happened during the time of COVID. Not just for me. For everyone.

Before I go any further, let’s all reflect upon the fact that we’re all doing our best to survive a pandemic. A PANDEMIC. I don’t want to be too light on the subject. It is wild. We’re isolating ourselves from our loved ones, wearing masks everywhere we go, and we have maybe/probably/most likely developed some form of agoraphobia.

WILD!

Like so many, COVID gave me time to think, think, think. (Anyone else now have the Blues Clues song stuck in their head? No? Just me? Cool.) It took a pandemic for me to stop my hamster wheel and consider how I was living my life. Pre-COVID I was on autopilot bouncing around from Studio Location A to Studio Location B only to end up back at A 6 hours later to teach my fourth class of the day. I don’t want it to get lost that I love my job of teaching yoga, but being a yoga teacher is often exhausting.

I was recently listening to one of my favorite podcasts, The Cut, and got super excited to listen to an episode entitled Do You Actually Miss the Yoga Studio? Without listening to the episode I responded with a resounding, “NO!”

Full transparency, as I type this I am currently teaching for a few studios, one of which is offering in-person classes. I’ll go more into that later.

The podcast episode features yoga teachers discussing the challenges of teaching during COVID plus the freedom many yoga teachers are experiencing now that they’re on their own and paving their path in the virtual world. I felt everything these yoga teachers had to share.

Unlike some of the teachers featured on the podcast, I enjoy teaching yoga online. Sure, demonstrating more than I’m used to can be hard physically and mentally. And sure my few classes where not a single soul turns on their camera can feel uncomfortable and lonely. But it’s nice to make my coffee in the morning, put Wallace the dog in his designated spot next to my mat, and turn on Zoom to teach a class that 100% resonates with me as a teacher.

But don’t I miss physical yoga studios?

Of course I do! Although I’m still uneasy about teaching in-person classes, it is so nice to see 3-dimensional bodies!

Even though many students are back to their favorite physical yoga studios and following the proper precautions, personally, it does not feel the same. At least where I teach, I sit in one spot for one hour and say my words. There’s minimal interaction before and after class as it’s necessary to move folks in and out of the space in a timely manner to minimize time in the space and allow for the cleaning and disinfecting process to occur.

Never in my teaching career - even when I was teaching 22 classes a week at six different locations - has teaching yoga felt transactional. Now, when I teach in-person the process feels transactional. In a time when humans are craving human connection, I feel utterly disconnected from the people I am guiding through practice. As much as I try to shift my mindset and remember I am teaching during a very unique time, I still struggle with the process.

On the flipside, teaching in-person at a studio has its perks! I don’t have to rely so heavily on self-promotion or entice folks to show up. Students just show up for the in-person classes I teach without effort. It is quite pleasant to not have to worry about how many people will show up for your class that day.

Ironically, when I teach my own offerings online it does not feel transactional. With those classes my income is 100% connected to how many students attend class. And somehow it does not feel transactional. Instead it feels right. It feels right to take ownership of how I facilitate practice and create community. Oddly I have felt more connected to students online over the last 11 months than I have felt to students I’ve seen in real life over the last 11 years. It could be because we now see each other’s pets, kids, piles of laundry, partners, etc. during practice. In a way, our humanness is now on display during practice. I really enjoy that element.

If you’re still practicing yoga during these challenging times, and I truly hope you are, I’ve got some suggestions for ya:

Practicing In-Person?

Be super patient with the teachers and staff in the space. There’s a lot of new policies and procedures in place to keep everyone safe. Teaching a class is not a yoga teacher’s only responsibility.

Do your best to not get upset if a teacher doesn’t want to engage with you for a long gab session before or after class. I know. I miss those too. Many teachers, myself included, get nervous about being indoors with a group of students. Sure, we’re all wearing masks, but it still feels like risky behavior to many of us.

Practicing Online?

Never feel pressured to practice with with your camera on, but consider turning on your mic briefly or send a short message in the chat box to say hi. You might even let the teacher know how you’re feeling that day so that the teacher can support you in that practice.

Put a practice time on your calendar and keep the commitment. As a teacher who has leaned into running her own business, it’s hard to not take things personally. I keep reminding myself that practicing with a screen isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Plus Zoom fatigue is real. If you have the ambition, please keep showing up to support teachers and studios even if it means connecting with your teacher via a screen.

However you’re practicing I hope your practice is bringing you joy during these tough times. Whether you miss yoga studios or are content practicing in your own space, I encourage you to keep showing up.

If you’re into podcasts, be sure to check out The Cut’s episode on teaching during the time of COVID.

Nothing is Easy

Everything feels especially hard right now, right?

The simple task of feeding the dog feels like it sucks all the energy out of me. (Don’t worry. I am not neglecting the pets.)

Nothing has felt easy in 2020 and I know that’s the case for just about everyone.

I entered 2020 thinking this was my year to slow down and minimize the hustle. Turns out the hustle in 2020 had to increase dramatically. Sadly yoga studios shut down temporarily and permanently. I was laid off twice this year and I have been left wondering what’s to become of my yoga teaching career.

While I’ve been left feeling very unsettled, it’s been an odd and sometimes fulfilling process. I’ve developed special classes, series offerings, and long-form programs that have fed my desire to teach in clear a manner while also cultivating a special sense of community all through the power of Zoom.

I’ve spent the last few weeks scratching my head thinking “What do I do now?” Teaching weekly drop-in classes at a handful of studios has been my staple for over a decade, however, as mentioned above, studios are downsizing their schedules and closing their doors permanently. Twiddling my thumbs until a studio reopens to in-person classes and offers me a robust teaching schedule feels like terrible use of my time.

My options feel limited.

That is unless I lean heavily on myself. Expanding and diversifying my own offerings feels like my strongest option at this time.

Even though it’s not easy, I’m going to stick with it. I’m going to stay steady, focused, and remember I’m doing something worthwhile. I have something valuable to offer those who are interested. And as long as folks are interested, I’ll keep doing this yoga teaching thing.

I’ve said it time and time again, I do not want to run my own yoga studio. And I think what I actually don’t want is to be responsible for a space - rent, utilities, maintenance, shoveling snow in the winter. With the broader acceptance of virtual yoga classes, it now feels right. The overhead is different - website hosting, recording and audio equipment, Zoom subscription - but the undertaking feels doable.

It’s not going to be easy. Nothing feels easy right now. But sticking with it feels easier than stepping away from a career I’ve spent so long developing.

To be continued.

Discomfort & Choice

Here we are again. Erin reflects upon her 10+ years of teaching, winces at some of her commonly used phrases, and needs to create a blog post dissecting it.

Let’s set the scene:

You’ve rolled out your mat in your favorite corner of your favorite yoga studio. Other students are filing in and you kindly smile at those who set their mat near yours. (This scenario is in a non-COVID world, of course.) The teacher comes in and you take a deep breath. It is now time to be told to move and breathe.

During challenging shapes that require a fair amount of range of motion or strength you hear your teacher say, Lean into your discomfort. And so you do. Half Pigeon might not feel super awesome in that practice, but you sweat it out and stick with it because discomfort is good.

A few hours after practice your knee hurts. The next day your knee hurts even more. And you’re left wondering, Was leaning into my discomfort the best choice for me in that moment?

-End scene-

That scenario is common in yoga and it’s complex.

Yoga & Discomfort

I know for a fact I have said something along the lines of If you’re feeling pain back off, but if you’re feeling discomfort breathe into it no less than a hundred times. It’s one of the long list of phrases young yoga teachers hear their teachers say and so they parrot the phrase without actually thinking about what they’re offering their students.

Yes, pain and discomfort could be classified as two different things. But how do we know? Deep down can we truly decipher the difference? Maybe discomfort is painful. Maybe sustained moments of discomfort can produce a sense of suffering.

So what’s yoga got to say about this whole discomfort, pain, and suffering thing?

In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra there’s a lot of talk about suffering orduḥkha. Suffering is also described as a feeling of lack, unhappiness, or being dissatisfied. According to the Yoga Sutra and other yogic texts, suffering is an inevitable part of the human experience.

The ego gets in the way and we suffer. We create division between subject and object; the creation of opposites causes us to suffer. We create attachment to material objects and we continue to suffer.

In a nutshell we’re all doomed to a life full of suffering according to Patanjali. Pretty bleak, huh? But there is hope!

Moments of pain, sorrow, and suffering will always be present in our lives. When those moments of pain arise it’s important to consider the cause. Why am I experiencing a sense of suffering? Consider what’s deeper. What’s further below the baselayer of the pain I’m feeling?

For example, when our beloved cat passed away in September I was in agony. Sure, he was a cat, but I don’t think I have ever experienced loss and pain on that level before. Even a couple months out I find myself crying over that special guy. There’s something deeper there. My attachment to the past makes me unhappy. Deep down the death of my cat causes me to consider my own mortality which causes me distress. And when I can finally sit with the reality that everything is temporary and my existence is entwined with the existence of all things I might be able to develop a sense of peace and release from the suffering.

Although I find deep value in what Patanjali has to offer, I’m also going to mourn the loss of my cat no matter how much it sucks.

According to Patanjali, we can learn from our discomfort, suffering, and pain to support us as we move forward in life.

Yoga Sutra 2.16 states:

heyam-dukham-anagatam

The pain which is yet to come is to be avoided

Patanjali is not telling me to never adopt another cat to avoid the inevitable loss of another beloved pet. Patanjali is telling me that I can grow from my previous experience of loss. When it inevitably happens again I might be quicker to choose the path of experiencing the pain, investigating the pain, and to be at peace with the pain.

Clearly my the pain of losing my cat was emotional. So how does this all relate back to a movement practice and feeling discomfort in Half Pigeon?

Critical Thinking

From the perspective of a yoga teacher, I always want students to approach my directions in class as suggestions. I trust that students will make choices that are best for their physical and mental states in that moment.

At the same time, as the teacher, I need to be more clear in my language and the intention behind my words. While guiding class I also need to support students in thinking critically in their own practice. If I choose to use language around discomfort, I have to offer up more insight.

Rather than Suck it up, kid! You’re becoming a more resilient human by breathing through that discomfort!

Perhaps I could take that moment to educate my students.

With the example of Half Pigeon, I might ask students to bring awareness to the inside of the front knee, the outside of the front knee, the outside of the front hip, and the inside of the hip. I could provide students the opportunity to investigate the sensations they feel in those places. Then, based on their experience in those specific areas of the body, I’ll also offer an alternative shape or variation that might suit them better in that moment.

I fully understand that in a big group-style class it might not feel possible to provide an individualized option for everyone. I would, however, love to see the yoga community move toward a practice that is customizable and can be individualized even when there’s a lot of people in the room. Rather than setting the goal of getting every student into a specific shape in a synchronized fashion, why not aim to give guidance that allows every student in the room find a version of a shape that helps them feel whole and comforted? I will now descend from my soapbox…

Choices

My hope is that yoga becomes more of a choice-based practice with guidance provided by a teacher.

I understand that some folks show up to be told what to do as they move and breathe and their yoga mats. At the same time, I want to push against that narrative and ask why? Going back to Patanjali, what’s the deeper reason behind our desire to shut off our thinking brain in order to be told what to do? Is it our need to momentarily escape? Is it our deep-seated desire to disconnect? And from what? I’m intentionally using the word our because I absolutely lump myself into all of this thinking.

If I move into Half Pigeon and I experience discomfort, I will choose to make accommodations within that shape to make it feel sustainable for me in that moment. I’m not necessarily bypassing the discomfort. I’m giving myself the opportunity to sit with it in a more manageable manner. The accommodations I make are based on guidance provided by my teacher and I am simultaneously choosing to experience the shape in a way that feels supportive to my body and mind.

Boundaries

Ultimately this is a very long, not-super-linear way of me saying we all need to create our own boundaries.

I choose to set up my Half Pigeon in a specific way because it helps me bypass physical pain in my knees while providing me with insightful sensation in my outer hips. I choose to set up my Half Pigeon in a way that makes me feel like I have agency over my body. When I give myself the space to choose how I set up a shape I am providing myself with healthy boundaries. When I give myself the space to choose how I set up a shape in my practice I am also reminding myself I have the power to choose how I interact with the people and beings around me in a healthy manner. Based on previous experiences and explorations both on and off my yoga mat, I will create boundaries and make choices that allow me to avoid future pain.

By creating boundaries I am not necessarily bypassing discomfort. I do believe a bit of discomfort is necessary in order to learn, grow, and create forward progress. And we all know life is hard, relationships can be painful, and we cannot avoid challenging and uncomfortable situations in our lives. Through the practice we collect information, make educated choices, and establish boundaries that provide us with a supportive path forward.

If we sit with discomfort and realize it is not supportive in our growth as human beings it is time to move on because sometimes leaning into discomfort is not worth it.

Union Method

When I was a kid my family and I used to stay at a cabin on Leech Lake in northern MN. I have a lot of memories of Leech Lake, but I always come back to a specific piece of candy. Whenever we went into town I’d get a massive Jawbreaker from the candy store. I’d work on that thing for weeks, forget about it, and then months later find its disgusting remains in a plastic bag tucked away somewhere in my room. Before throwing it out I’d always think, If only I had stuck with it I’d finally get to the center of that darn thing.

Yoga is a lot like the Jawbreaker from my childhood. There’s layers upon layers that require time and discipline to unravel. Although the practice of yoga might not provide the instant gratification of a sugar high, the more time you spend with it the more deeply complex and rich it becomes.

Take the word yoga as an example. How many times have you heard the word defined as to yoke, to unite, or union? These definitions are not wrong. These definitions are kind of like the outermost layer of the Jawbreaker. There’s more beyond that outer layer. You just have to go deeper to get there.

There’s one definition of the word that has stuck with me:

union-method

I came across this definition for the first time in Richard Rosen’s Original Yoga. He describes how the simple notion of yoga as union doesn’t encapsulate the full meaning. Yoga is an active practice of managing the busy mind - or as Rosen describes it, the beast - so that the “living self” can be yoked to the “great self” - or a higher power.

Not into the whole higher power or divine stuff? Consider yoga to be the method in which you unite with other beings or the world around you.

|| This post is now going to take a bit of a turn. I invite you to hang with me. If you’re completely exhausted from all things 2020 and elections, I understand if you head somewhere else at this time. ||

This past weekend I worked my first shift as an election judge. Never did I think I’d sign up to be an election judge. Apparently it took four challenging for me to step up and get involved in the democratic process. My shift was at an absentee ballot drop-off site in a suburb just outside the Twin Cities. For four hours I stood in the cold waiting for cars to pull up so that I could examine their signature envelop before I slide it into the ballot box.

In order for the process to be fair and safe, I was unable to look over someone’s ballot envelope without someone from the opposing political party present. Our whole group of election judges had be made up an equal balance of Republicans and Democrats.

To be clear, I come from a family of conservatives. I hear them. I see them. I do my best to understand their political alliances. And at the same time our relationships have been far from easy. Since I first cast my ballot for John Kerry in the 2004 presidential election politics has become an ever present and painful topic with my family. Based on my personal experiences it feels like equal balance is never possible.

Turns out I actually enjoyed those four hours spent with the equally balanced group. Our dividing topic, politics, could not be discussed. Instead we talked about hunting, traveling, our favorite winter gear, dogs, our childhoods, and I got to hear all about my fellow election judges’ grandchildren. (Side note: My fellow millennials, we really need to step it up and support the polls more in the future.)

Don’t get me wrong. My blood just boils when I think about the current administration, the state in which our country is in, and the constant handing of power over to the already powerful. At the same time my shift as an election judge made me step back, see the humans in front of me, and question how I will unite with those who have differing political opinions for myself.

And now we come back to yoga. What method will I use to create a sense of union? How will I actively work toward uniting with my fellow Americans during these deeply divided times? Even though many are rightfully outraged, how can I encourage others to work through the division and move toward unity?

Some would say I’m being naive. Perhaps I am. We can’t change overnight. An entire country cannot heal in a week, month, four years. We can, however, see each other, listen to each other, and find our method to stay united.

And if/when the attempts to unite don’t go as planned, consider rolling out your mat and run through a few Sun Salutations.

When Is It Enough?

Lately I’ve been teaching a Sunday morning class on Zoom. It’s a flow and meditation format and it has become my favorite class to teach.

I can’t pinpoint if it’s the class itself or the buildup to teaching that I appreciate the most.

As the format is 75 minutes of me gabbing at a computer screen about movement and sitting, I tend to take more time to prep myself for the offering.

Most Sundays I wake up around 6, drink some water, get the pup ready for a walk, and listen to an episode of Michael Stone’s podcast Awake in the World while we go for a stroll. Stone’s dharma talks always seem to shed light on something I’m struggling with that week. His voice grounds me and provides me with the focus to lead my Sunday practices.

Recently, while on my Sunday prep walk, I was listening to one of his talks on asteya. If you’re familiar with the concept there’s a good chance asteya has been translated to you as non-stealing. In this specific talk Stone refers to asteya in many ways, one definition Stone provides is that asteya means to be satisfied. I appreciate that perspective. Sure, I think we can all agree that it’s best if we do not steal from others, but Stone’s definition goes deeper. He pokes at the reason one might steal.

What are we lacking? Why are we unsatisfied?

We’re all living in a space that accentuates more, more, more! At what point is it enough?

I was recently working with a beloved student who mentioned their tight hamstrings many times throughout the practice. This was not an isolated incident. At one point in my teaching career, when I was grinding away at teaching 15+ classes per week, I’d hear someone say, “My hamstrings are so tight!” no less than forty times. Humans have a funny relationship with their hamstrings and yoga shines a big ‘ol spotlight on that relationship.

So you’ve got tight hamstrings? Who cares!

So you can’t touch your toes? Who cares!

So you can’t wedge your chin and nose between your shins in a seated forward bend? Why does it matter?!?

Sure, being able to tie your own shoes as you age could be seen as an important skill. And being able to bend down to pick up your kids or grandkids is essential for many. I get that. But does touching your toes make you a better human? Probably not.

For many yoga students who primarily focus on the shapes, it becomes this process of never being enough.

Say you start practicing postural yoga and you’ve got tight hamstrings. After a few months of regular practice you gain some mobility and your forward bends go from you being able to touch your knees to you being able to touch your ankles. Progress! Fast forward a year or so and you can now put your hands on the floor. More progress! Now what’s next? Will you be satisfied with just being able to touch your toes? Or will you be itching to put blocks under your feet and go above and beyond?

I appreciate people who are goal-oriented. I am right there with those folks! But at what cost? When will your forward bend be enough? And what are you missing when you’re always striving for the next big shape?

Yoga is a journey. Yoga is a continuous, never-ending path. What happens when we forget to hit pause and appreciate the progress we’ve made along the path? We get so caught up in our desire to go bigger or do better and then we develop a sense of never being satisfied. Throughout the process we steal our own ability to appreciate what we have in the moment.

Let’s stop stealing from ourselves. Let’s allow ourselves to pause for a moment and simply be satisfied.

And trust me, it’s okay if you have tight hamstrings.

Zoom Appreciation Post

Lots of people have been talking about how COVID has given them the opportunity to explore their passion projects.

Got laid off from your job and collecting unemployment? Why not revisit your love of creating things and start your own Etsy store?

Hours have been cut from the job you hated? Why not go back to school?

COVID sucks. The circumstances in which we’re living are not awesome. And, at the same time, it’s giving many people, myself included, the space to reinvent themselves and truly consider how they want to spend their time.

Before I share how this time has affected my teaching, I want to acknowledge the privilege many have to even hit pause to consider their next move. I think of the essential workers who have been holding things down this entire time. I think of the parents who supported their kids with virtual learning in the spring and the stress they’re managing as they plan for the fall. The pseudo-paid holiday mentality is not a reality for all.

For me these last five months have been a wave of emotions. I’ve paddled my way through sadness, elation, relief, stress, and grief. Lots and lots of grief. And throughout that whole time one thing has been consist: I’ve continued to teach yoga and investigate what I want out of the process.

For clarity, I don’t actually teach yoga for me. However, I do strive to create a space that feels authentic and sustainable for me as a teacher. When I was a younger, eager yoga teacher I took any and every teaching job. They weren’t always in the best locations, they weren’t always the style of classes that felt authentic to me, and 92% of the time the pay was terrible, but I did it anyway! I wanted to teach and was willing to put in the work.

I am now over a decade into this yoga teaching thing and know that mentality is not sustainable.

Here’s what COVID has provided me: An opportunity to create classes that feel right.

Over the last few years I’ve fallen out of love with drop-in studio classes. Drop-in classes are fine and they serve their purpose. They just aren’t what I always want to teach.

My style of teaching is more about developing content over time to give students - and me - an opportunity to learn and grow. Yoga is a subject to be learned over time. Drop-in classes make it harder to teach with that mentality.

Insert COVID and Zoom yoga classes.

I get it. We’re five months into this mess and everyone is probably over Zoom. After a full day of Zoom calls for work followed up by a Zoom yoga class might Zoom-overload.

Here’s the thing, Zoom has allowed yoga teachers to teach classes that feel real to them. Especially when teachers are doing their thing without the expectations set by a studio or brand, teachers have the opportunity to explore their teaching style and connect with students on a new level.

A couple years ago I rented a space to offer my own classes. The restraints set by the traditional studio weren’t fulfilling me as a teacher. I felt like it was time for me to create a space that allowed me to teach in my way to students who were eager to learn in such an environment. Sadly that space didn’t last long due to circumstances that were out of my control, but it was an opportunity for me to turn my wheels and get a taste of what I wanted as a teacher.

With Zoom I don’t have the overhead of a rental space - or the challenges of a space that floods when the heat is on. I simply shuffle the pets out of my home studio, click on the Zoom app on my phone, and start connecting with students. Sure, Zoom will never be exactly like connecting in-person, but I have felt like I am developing stronger personal connections with students now, over Zoom, than I ever did at studios.

For now, I’ll continue to teach the few in-person, outdoor, and Zoom studio classes that are on my schedule while exploring long-form series options via Zoom.

Again, I realize Zoom gets exhausting. With Zoom I am developing a deeper appreciation of doing practice in whatever space is available that day, in whatever clothes are kind of clean without worrying about what I look like in a mirror or struggling with the process of comparing myself to what others are doing in the class.

Remember, yoga doesn’t need a fancy studio or fancy brand name clothes. Yoga just needs you to show up as you are.

Zen & The Art of Cake Baking

I married into a family that appreciates baked goods. I grew up never fully understanding the beauty of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are very talented bakers and, simply by my own accord, I feel anxious about baking.

Every December the three of us do a full day of cookie baking. My mother-in-law creates a detailed list of all the treats we’ll make that day. Every year is the same. I ask for the least involved jobs because I do not want to mess up the holiday spread.

The thing is, I actually enjoy baking. I typically put on some music or a podcast and get to work. However, before COVID, I always felt rushed. I never felt like I had the time to really commit to a baking project. I’d end up stressed out, I’d make a mistake along the way, and things wouldn’t turn out as I had hoped.

Now, on so many levels, things are different. I have more free time than I’ve ever had in the last decade and I’m giving myself the space to enjoy things outside of work.

I’ve been baking a lot during the stay-at-home order. I don’t get too creative or outside the box. I like straight forward cakes that have multiple layers, fillings, and some type of buttercream frosting. I enjoy taking my time. I enjoy measuring the ingredients and weighing each cake before I put them in the oven.

I’ve also eaten a lot of cake during the stay-at-home order. I have really enjoyed that too.

Recently my husband bought me special cake flour that is locally milled. I was excited to up my cake baking game.

Last week I tried out the new flour for the first time. I was going big with this fancy flour. My plan was a multilayer vanilla sponge cake with two different mousse fillings covered in swiss meringue buttercream.

I sifted the flour, took my time folding in the egg whites, and paid close attention to how long the cakes were in the oven. While the cakes were baking I made two different ganaches, butterscotch and chocolate, that would eventually become mousse. It was about then that I realized I did not have enough heavy whipping cream to make the mousse.

No big deal!

Once the cakes were done and while the ganaches were cooling I headed to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, the store was completely out of heavy whipping cream.

Again, no big deal! I can adapt!

I Googled alternatives to heavy whipping cream and kept a positive mindset.

Sadly, the alternatives fell flat. Literally.

No big deal! I can adapt again!

New plan. This cake was now going to have a lemon and lime curd filling with a cream cheese frosting. It was going to be glorious.

The curd turned out beautifully. Although I didn’t have enough powdered sugar, I made some adjustments and came up with a decent cream cheese frosting.

All of the elements were ready and it was time to assemble this cake!

I sliced the sponges in half, piped on the lemon and lime curd between the layers, and frosted the top with the cream cheese frosting.

After dinner my husband cut into the cake and to my horror the bottom half of both sponges was raw. RAW! Even though the many toothpicks I used to check the cakes before I took them out of the oven came out clean those darn sponges were not fully baked!

I was so disappointed to throw out those beautiful cakes, but there was not much else that could be done. I spent probably a total of five hours working on that thing and it just ended up in the garbage.

The next day I woke up, felt motivated to redeem myself, and decided to make another cake. This one was going to be a banana cake with layers of chocolate mousse (after I went to another store to get heavy whipping cream) topped with a cream cheese frosting. I’ll spare you the details, but his cake suffered the same fate as the cake from the day before. It was raw.

I’m chalking it up to the fancy flour. It’s going to require some experimentation for me to find the best ratio of ingredients in order to fully bake a cake with this new flour.

All in all, that was a long story about patience and non attachment.

I spent hours (HOURS!) on those cakes to just throw them out. (Well I did attempt a rescue mission with the second one, but it was not pretty.) This disastrous cake baking experience made me think about my yoga and meditation practice.

I’m not doing my yoga practice to master something - granted I do want to refine my cake baking skills. I can’t do the practice to get attached to the outcome. Sometimes my yoga and meditation practice is messy. Sometimes (often) cake baking is messy. Regularly my meditation practice and cake baking agendas do not go as planned.

And that’s okay.

The willingness to adapt and be content with an unexpected outcome is a huge takeaway. The willingness to wake up and get back to it the next day is essential.

It’s all a practice. We just can’t be attached to the outcome. Even when the cake is raw.

Yoga in the Time of COVID-19, Pt. 4

During this stay-at-home order my husband and I have been watching Star Wars. We’re watching all of the films, minus the The Ewok Adventure and Star Wars Christmas Special, in chronological order. I grew up watching the original series and, like most Star Wars appreciators, I have only seen the prequel films once because that’s all I could mentally manage.

It’s actually been enjoyable to chip away at the series. The story is actually really good and entertaining.

Now prepare yourself for all sorts of nerdy. And not my usual yoga nerdy…

Spoiler alert, Anakin Skywalker turns into Darth Vader in the prequel. He’s unable to detach himself from fear and anger which ultimately leads him from his path as a Jedi to becoming Vader. From the beginning Yoda was ambivalent about Anakin training to become a Jedi. Yoda sensed Anakin was unable to move past the death of his mother, the future death of his wife, and by giving into his grief and hate he’d turn into a Sith.

Yoda is making a point for all of us here.

Especially during these radically daunting times it’s easy to feel sad, anxious, and angry. And let me be real - it’s important that we allow ourselves to feel all of those things. We’re not robots. Or droids. But the longer we dwell and sit in those feelings the harder it is to climb out of them.

I have been in major grief mode these last few weeks. I’ve been grieving the job I had and the community I was apart of for over a decade. Never did I think my position there would end due to a pandemic. But it did.

The more I sit in my grief the worse I feel. I start to feel anger toward my former employer and our current circumstances. That anger gets me nowhere. It might lead me to sitting on my couch scrolling through social media platforms for hours which truly is nowhere.

Again, we’re humans and it’s important that we allow ourselves to experience all of our humanness. But there comes a point when the cycle needs to slow down, stop, and reverse its course.

For me, some days are good - some days are bad. And that’s just fine with me. On the bad days I allow myself to reflect upon why I’m feeling bad without judgement. I take the time to evaluate my patterns and consider how I can make the next day a little bit better.

As always movement often helps. It’s not a cureall, but in moments when you’re feeling down consider moving your body. Roll out your mat and do a yoga practice. Take a walk or run around your neighborhood while practicing social distancing. Put on your favorite music and dance around the house. There’s a good chance it’ll help. Even if it’s just a little bit.

And, if you’re looking for movie suggestions during this time, have you considered Star Wars? The prequel isn’t great - the CGI is overdone and the acting is not good - but the overall story and theme is good. Plus trying to recreate the lightsaber fights could be an excellent way to move your body.

Yoga in the Time of COVID-19, Pt. 3

Here we are, friends. We’ve completed one full week of the stay at home order here in Minnesota. This also marks three full weeks since I’ve taught an in-person yoga class. It feels like it has been both an eternity and a split second. Each day bleeds into the next and time feels like it has no true measurement.

In the past week I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. After I was laid off from my primary teaching gig I was initially okay. I wasn’t exactly shocked by the company’s decision. However, shortly after the announcement, I dropped into fear and anxiety. I’m grateful there’s safeguards like unemployment and a stimulus package in place, but the reality that my employer of over ten years is no longer my employer has felt heavy. The support from students with online classes instantly gave me hope and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. And then the process of filing for unemployment benefits and shopping for health insurance dropped me back into dread.

As I’ve mentioned before, and I will continue to remind myself, I am not alone.

The world is in a terrifying crisis and if shopping for health insurance is the worst thing I have to face in a day then I’d say I’m doing really well.

During our unusual circumstances I have learned a lot about humans and businesses. Take my former employer as an example. Although owned by a large private equity firm, they either didn’t have the funds available or couldn’t reason with making cuts elsewhere to maintain their staff. Of course, I have zero idea what it’s like to run a business on that massive scale. I can’t blame them for choosing to layoff their staff. On the flipside, from the information I’ve gathered, a lot of local, independently owned studios continue to pay their teachers during these chaotic times. They have adapted to online classes and are supporting their communities. Some studios have even told me their businesses are doing better now with online offerings than when they only offered in-person classes!

I’m also impressed by companies like Lululemon who just announced that their employees will continue to receive pay through June 1st. That might say a thing or two about the clothing brand’s profit margins, but it’s nice to know their money is going toward supporting their staff. Lululemon is even providing $2 million in relief for studio owners who are in their ambassador program.

Sadly, I continue to be faced with people and businesses looking to take advantage of those who are feeling lost during these times. Every few days I receive an email or social media message from an acquaintance or complete stranger trying to list my class offerings for a fee or a percentage of the the money I collect. Don’t get me wrong. A lot of these offers are from well intentioned entrepreneurs and I realize everyone is trying to make a buck. Just please don’t prey on those who are down on their luck and searching for a job, community, their next endeavor.

For me, I’ve enjoyed the freedom of working for myself. It’s not easy. By no means is it as financially stable as working for a big company. But the ability to teach classes that feel right to me as an educator has been glorious.

A good friend and regular student of mine asked me after practice the other day, “Are these the types of classes you’d prefer to teach?” Heck yes! I no longer teach under the guidelines of a brand and can run wild with my own style. It’s been rewarding and refreshing.

At the same time I am honored and humbled by the local studios that have supported me. Samadhi and Rise Yoga have been grounding forces that continue to remind me why yoga studios are important. Online, pre-recorded classes are great. You can take a class with hundreds of excellent teachers on YouTube whenever it is convenient in your life. However, nothing compares to the familiarity of a certain teacher, a space, the people you share that space with.

When you can, support the businesses in your community. Take an online class at your local yoga studio.. Shop at local grocery stores if they’re convenient. Order books from your local bookseller. Consider how you can help out those around you. Remember, we’re all in this together.

Be well and stay safe, everyone.

Yoga in the Time of COVID-19, Pt. 2

I would say my last blog post, my first post during the Coronavirus pandemic, was relatively chipper. I was excited about practicing with so many admirable teachers online and grateful I could stay connected with my yoga community through offering my own live, online classes.

Well, folks, this one might take a bit of a turn.

After hitting publish on my last post I hit a rut. I was sad. I layed around my house a lot. I felt depressed and unmotivated. And you know what? It’s okay that I felt sad and depressed. We are living in utterly bizarre and scary times! You, me, all of us, we get to feel sad and depressed. Our lives have been royally disrupted and it’s perfectly fine if your days are not filled with yoga, sunshine, and puppies.

I have to remind myself, you need to feel however you need to feel in the moment.

With that, in my present state, I’m now feeling grief.

I’m grieving the position I held for over ten years.

On Friday, March 27 I was notified that all CorePower Yoga instructors would be laid off. Deep down I wasn’t surprised. No revenue for a company means no money for staff.

So here I am. Mourning the almost 7000 classes and countless CPY teacher trainings I facilitated over ten years. It just feels heavy.

I am going to let myself be sad when I am sad. And I also need to realize I am not alone in this mess. Every single CPY teacher was laid off yesterday. A good portion of their management team too. We are now a part of the over 3 million Americans that will file for unemployment. Talk about heavy.

At the end of the day I need to remind myself how lucky I am to be in my current position. My husband is still working. We are not a single income household. Even after losing my primary income and our health insurance we are going to be just fine. We have a safe place to live. We have plenty of food and easy access to a grocery store when needed. We have the privilege to work from home. We can still get outside everyday and walk our dog. We are going to be just fine.

I have friends in NYC who are losing their loved ones to COVID. Many of my students are health care professionals and they are literally risking their lives for the sake of others. It’s absolutely devastating. It’s heavy and real and we as humans are managing the best we can during these circumstances.

In the meantime, please know that if you’re a yoga practitioner, the practice of yoga is always there for you. During this time you’ve probably encountered countless teachers offering their classes online. Support teachers when/if you can. Many teachers are offering free classes too.

If you are interested in practicing with me via live, online classes. Check out my schedule and you can pre register for most classes below:

I am also grateful for the independent, local studios in the Twin Cities that have supported me during this time. That includes Samadhi who has continued to provide online classes for those who donate any amount. Through Samadhi I am still getting paid for my time. And shout out to Rise Yoga who reached out at an important moment. Stay tuned as I will be offering online classes at Rise very soon!

Before I sign off I want to leave. you with some important resources. Again, these a difficult times. Please know that support is there if you need it.

The National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) has state chapters to support the mental health of our communities. You can find resources on how to support your own mental health and find lines of support through your local chapter. MN NAMI

During this time of shelter in place, or stay at home orders, we have to consider that the home is not the safest place for all. Advocates are available for those who feel unsafe in their homes during these times via the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Lastly, if you are feeling down, let yourself feel down. At the same time consider moving your body, get outside, call or (even better) FaceTime with a friend, make yourself a really good cup of coffee or tea, indulge in your favorite candy, read a book, sit in the sun. Most importantly, step away from the social media when you can and hit pause on the consumption of news. It will make a difference.

Yoga in the Time of COVID-19, Pt. 1

As I type this I’m on day ten of social distancing and voluntary isolation. It’s been strange, frustrating, and, at times, enjoyable.

Prior to the outbreak of COVID-19 I spent most of my days teaching yoga to a lot of people. Some days were amazing. Some days were challenging. Often the challenging days were due to regularly feeling depleted. With teaching so many classes a week, and serving so many people day in and day out, it’s hard to not feel depleted. The constant give and take of energy takes its toll.

On the flipside, those interactions fed and fueled me to continue on my path of service.

Now, for the last week and a half, those in-person interactions and exchanges are gone.

On Thursday, March 12 I was informed that Samadhi, an independent studio where I teach, would be suspending classes. The space is small and providing enough room for students to spread out their mats just wasn’t an option. I commend Molly, the studio owner, not only for acting so swifting, but for also putting into action a plan to make online classes accessible to students while also paying teachers for their time to create online classes.

With the suspension of classes at Samadhi I grew nervous. Were my CorePower Yoga classes going to be put on pause soon too?

Sure enough, on the evening of Sunday, March 15 I was notified that all CPY studios would suspend their classes for at least two weeks. Considering 98% of my income comes from CPY classes my heart sank into my stomach. I got anxious. I got sad. I initially thought of myself and those who make a living teaching yoga classes. I quickly had to remember that we’re not alone in these feelings. Just about the whole world was facing a similar unknown future. When would we receive our next paycheck? How long would we be without steady income?

The following day, Monday, March 16 all CPY employees were invited onto a call. We were informed that we would be paid for two weeks while classes were suspended. I almost cried while receiving the news. I was (and am) grateful for the company’s kindness. I can only imagine that it was not an easy decision.

The anxiety of losing income subsided and made way for a new stressor: How was I going to spend my time without consistent work? I LIVE FOR A STEADY CALENDAR OF EVENTS!

Since that Monday I’ve had to get grounded in a relatively steady routine. Without routine I get lazy and energetically heavy. I know I needed to stick to some type of schedule to feel physically and mentally well. I’ve been consistent with my yoga practice. To be real, I’ve taken more guided classes in the last ten days than I have in probably taken in the last six months combined. I’ve prioritized taking the dog for long walks and going out for a run. I take my time sipping my coffee in the morning. I’ve scheduled in phone and FaceTime dates with friends to stay connected. I painted and rearranged my office to create a space that feels good for my practice and teaching.

Overall, I question if I’ll be ready to get back into the rat race of teaching all day everyday once things go back to normal. Forcing my workaholic tendencies to slow way down this time has been good for me. I feel more grounded and focused than ever before. I do not, I REPEAT, I do not want our world to suffer through this pandemic. I just wish it didn’t take a pandemic for me hit pause and appreciate what I’ve got going on around me.

I will say I deeply miss my community. As taxing as it can be to serve a lot of people everyday, I miss seeing everyone’s faces. The exchange of energy in the yoga room that serves students serves me just as much, maybe even more, when I’m teaching.

I was reluctant to jump on the virtual yoga class bandwagon, but I knew it would be good for me. And I was right. Guiding a community of people through asana, breath, and meditation has been healing for me. It’s helped me feel connected while living in relative isolation.

For those of you who have joined me in practice, thank you. Your presence, although through a computer screen, means the world to me.

As I look ahead to the next week or so, I feel my initial anxiety from a week ago begin to creep up inside. CPY studios in MN are tentatively scheduled to reopen March 30. Will that happen? And if they don’t, will I no longer get paid?

My feelings are not alone. I think of my yoga peers who have lost all of their teaching jobs. (Not to mention those in the restaurant industry, other fitness professionals, etc.) As of right now, some can’t even file for unemployment benefits due to their status as contractors and small business owners. Many teachers have shifted their efforts to online classes to attempt to keep the ball rolling. However, that has its challenges.

We, as a yoga community, are all stepping into a broad unknown. Many of us, myself included, are offering live and pre-recorded content to stay connected. Many of us are offering online classes to maintain some type of income. Here’s the sticky part: Many of us, myself included, are offering free or donation-based online classes because we want to keep serving others during these difficult times. However, does the wave of free content minimize the efforts of those who are asking for some type of payment for their work? Or am I the only one seeing the world through that lens?

Again, it’s sticky and we’re all navigating this new space.

I’m sure I’ll be back with more thoughts soon, but something to consider: During this time support the people, brands, businesses you believe in. Your support may not come in the form of money. Perhaps you give someone a shout out on social media or give suggestions to your friends while having a Zoom happy hour.

We’re all playing a weird game of Red Rover - while enforcing social distancing. Let’s all manage our way through to the other side of this together.

To Namaste or Not to Namaste?

In my 10+ years of teaching yoga I have ended 99.99% of my classes with the word namaste. That’s over 7000 classes ending with students bowing forward and repeating the word — a word that, for many practitioners, marks the final moment of their yoga practice before they roll up their mat and continue on with their day.

For the last year or so I have wrestled with the word. Should I end my class with namaste? What would happen if I didn’t?

Last Wednesday I took the leap and decided to do away with the word. Since then I’ve been experimenting with different ways to wrap up classes. I’m experimenting with ways that feel more authentic to me as a yoga teacher and human. It’s been utterly uncomfortable and weird, but totally worth it.

So why the change?

I think a lot about how I teach yoga. I think a lot about how I hold myself in the yoga room and how I conduct my classes. As I was planning my classes for the next few weeks I had to pause. I am very thoughtful in how I organize my classes. There’s a clear reason as to why certain postures appear in my classes. But something was amiss. I had no clear reason as to why I ended my classes with namaste.

The only reason I could conjure was because it’s what I’ve always done and it’s what everyone expects in their yoga class. Oh, and it’s easy. It’s easy to just do what everyone expects.

I hope we can all agree those are not good enough reasons.

By no means do I want to take away namaste from those who choose to end their classes with the word. It’s just something I’ve decided to eliminate from the classes I facilitate.

Over the last few decades the usage of the word namaste has kind of spiraled out of control. Teachers and students might use the word to feel like they’re doing some type of traditional, ancient yoga. But what is traditional, ancient yoga? I’m just guessing here, but I’m pretty sure your average modern, Western practitioner isn’t interested in performing the Vasti Kriya — an ancient yogic hygiene practice. Or perhaps you do and I want you to give me a full report on your experience afterwards!

Namaste appears in the Rig Veda as a term of worship or salutation. I can get behind that concept. However, in the 3000+ years since the Vedic text was compiled, namaste is now used by many Hindi-speaking populations as a simple greeting. Just as the practice of yoga has transformed greatly over the last few thousand years, the use of the word namaste has evolved and changed. I feel strongly that I should accept and act accordingly with the evolution of a language that is not my own.

Maybe we as a community can create better dialogue about the words we use in yoga classes and consider how those words affect other populations. We can discuss the use of words like namaste and om on merchandise and marketing materials. And perhaps we can have conversations about the manipulation of namaste into phrases like “I’m gonna nama-stay in bed”.

I teach a movement-based yoga practice. My hope is for people to leave their practice feeling physically and mentally strong and agile. I’m not trying to put on some divine pretense. I have been programmed to wrap up my classes in the same way over and over again, but now I’ve decided to just stop. So come take my class! Bear witness to my total discomfort as I work around what simply became a mindless habit.

And while we’re getting into semantics, I regularly question if I should even label my classes as yoga. It’s something I’m sure I’ll forever ponder.

Keep Your Expectations Low

In 2019 I started what I saw as my dream job. I was incredibly honored to be offered the position and was eager to jump into a new challenge. To be clear, the job was rewarding. I had the opportunity to teach in a way that was fulfilling and pushed me to solidify my perspective on the practice of yoga.

Unfortunately, the position came with some baggage. It was taxing. It was draining in a way I had not expected.

As I crept toward a full year in my position I had to make a decision. Was I going to stick around and continue with the job? Maybe it was time to move on and seek out something different? (Maybe even enjoy some time off?) Before I made my decision to stay or go, I figured I’d at least try to negotiate the terms of my contract. Seems reasonable, right? A full year in a position without incident could merit a small pay increase.

When given the opportunity to express myself I was left disappointed by the response. Not disappointed that a pay raise was not available. I fully realized that would most likely be the outcome of my inquiry. I was left disappointed because my request was met with “keep your expectations low” and “if you decide to not come back let us know if you have a recommendation for your replacement”.

I would assume most people would be disheartened by such a response. For me, this response carried a heavier weight of sadness. The person delivering those words was once my teacher and mentor. Wouldn’t a teacher want their former student to succeed and fight for their worth? Doesn’t a teacher want their students — past and present — to aim high?

I realize the details of my contract probably weren’t easily negotiable. The position was woven into a ludicrous bureaucratic system. I don’t blame the messenger. I do have frustrations toward the message.

I’ve been reflecting on that interaction for the last month. I’m proud of myself for walking away from a position that saw me as easily replaceable. I’m proud of myself for speaking up and acknowledging my worth. In the health and wellness industry it’s easy to take whatever gig for whatever pay because we love the work. However, at the end of the day we have something of value to offer our students and communities. Our experience and expertise does not come for free.

I didn’t become a seasoned yoga teacher over night. I have worked hard. I have studied and continue to refine my skills. I believe that deserves respect.

I hope all people realize they deserve to set their expectations high. Expect the most from your workplace. Expect the most from the people around you. Stay humble and realistic while acknowledging that you have so much to offer.

Change is Good. Right?

Over the last few months I’ve shared with friends, colleagues, students that I’ve been feeling restless, like something needs to shift. About 90% of the time my comment has been met with, “It’s fall. Change always happens in the fall.” Okay. I’ll go with that. The season of fall prompts change.

What kind of change, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but my restlessness has caused me to do some reflecting. Celebrating my tenth year as a yoga teacher gave me some pause. Am I doing exactly what I want to be doing with my life? Well… not exactly. Some days I feel like a hamster going around and around on her wheel.

Inhale, lift your right leg high.

Six hours later…

Inhale, lift your right leg high.

The next day…

Inhale, lift your right leg high.

I feel incredibly grateful that I get paid to say, “Inhale, lift your right leg high” because I truly love it! But the repetition of teaching day in and day out is wearing on me. Although I know what I am doing is beneficial for those who take the time to practice yoga, I’ve felt the pull to do a little more.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Way down memory lane…

When I started college (a long time ago) I had no clue what I was going to study. In the first couple months of my freshman year I attended a seminars featuring various academic departments and majors to get the wheels turning. After chatting with a professor from the social work department I learned about the chemical dependency counseling track. Yes! I had a drive to help others, and perhaps this was my path! I started doing research and talked to other professors in the department. Unfortunately, I quickly learned I didn’t have the skin for such a field. My softness and my tendency to cry at the drop of a hat wasn’t well suited for the stress of the job.

So I ended up transferring schools a year later and studied dance!

My drive to help others has never diminished. I realize I am helping others through teaching yoga. However, I feel the desire to help others who perhaps don’t have access to nice yoga studios due to their social, economic, racial, or geographic circumstances.

Over the last few years I’ve been lucky to work alongside inspiring people who have developed nonprofits that are dedicated to serving others. I am amazed by their drive and selfless missions.

When I recently felt the itch for change I knew it meant changing things up to create space for more projects that serve others. It’s not much, but I’m now dedicating a little more time to volunteering and supporting programming through Canine Inspired Change. Wallace, my pup, and I do social-emotional therapy work with youth in a juvenile detention center and an after school program. It’s important for young people, no matter their circumstances, to feel the loving kindness of an animal.

Change, for me at least, also means learning a new skill. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in an educational setting that doesn’t involve yoga. Since I decided to make changes to serve others I made space to enroll in a grant writing class. I’m learning about how to support nonprofits through fundraising and program awareness. I’m using these skills to support another organization that is near and dear to my heart, Karuna Community MN. Karuna brings mindfulness, compassion-based tools to those affected by the criminal justice system. My hope is to support Karuna through my skills as a yoga and meditation teacher while flexing my writing skills to fund their impactful programming. Oh, and I was recently added as a board member for the organization. Never have I felt so adult.

I love routine. I appreciate knowing exactly what will happen each day. It’s satisfying and maddening. But change is good, right? Giving myself permission to step away from my routine is anxiety-inducing and freeing. Change gives me space to consider my potential.

Thanks for being a part of the change.

In case you’re interested in supporting Canine Inspired Change or Karuna Community MN through a financial donation, check out the links below. Reach out if you want to support either organization through volunteering and supporting programming!

Simple Steps for Some Self Care

Want to know a dirty little secret about the health and wellness industry?

We, as in yoga teachers, coaches, doctors, trainers, are often full of crap. We make a living advising people on how to care for themselves, but we’re the last ones to actually care for ourselves. I realize this blanket statement doesn’t cover everyone in the industry. However, it rings true for me!

I love teaching yoga. I love teaching yoga a little too much. I regularly put my work before my personal wellbeing. Strange, right? A yoga teacher not actually following her own cues.

This summer taught me a few lessons. Those lessons shined light on the fact that I don’t really take care of myself. I just don’t do it! I’ll bury myself in work before I actually go take someone else’s yoga class. I’ll get anxious about work deadlines and details before spending time with friends and family.

Eventually when things get crazy you hit a point where you just have to stop and reflect. What am I even doing?

So here I am. Fall is creeping in and I’m committed to slowing down and getting grounded.

You might already know this about me, but I love a good list! I have compile a list of 15 things I can easily do to take care of myself. These are all things I’ve been trying to implement into my life and figured I’d share them with all of you just in case you’re also looking for ways to turn inward and practice some self care.

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15 Simple Care Tips

1. Sit Quietly

The word meditation can feel so heavy. I like to call it a seated practice instead because it’s that simple. Just sit and be quiet. You don’t have to look like a pious Buddha. You don’t have to sit on a fancy cushion and burn a candle. (You can if you want!) Simply sit.

If thoughts arise, let them! If your mind wanders, it’s all good!

Try to start your seated practice at 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes to sit. Perhaps with time you can increase your duration.

Give it a shot. Maybe once or twice a week. Just sit and be.

2. Read Something Other Than Social Media

When things got crazy in my life I picked up a book. It felt so good to just read and get wrapped up in the content of the book. I read fiction and non-fiction. Some of it was heavy. Some of it was light. It is so freeing to pick up a book, newspaper, magazine, and just read.

I specify reading something that is not social media because if you’re like me it’s easy to get wrapped up in what others are posting on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, or whatever the young kids are posting on these days. Put the phone down and read something that’s printed on paper.

3. Go for a Walk

Get outside! Even better, go for a walk without an agenda or route. Maybe even put the phone and earbuds away. Take in the sounds, smells, sights and just go where your feet take you.

4. Make Time for Someone Who Isn’t Your Romantic Partner

This one has had an astronomical affect on me!

The older I get the easier it has been for me to follow my usual routine. My social time is usually spent with my husband. That is great, of course! But the moment I started to regularly schedule in time to see my friends I felt more grounded, focused, and generally happy.

Go ahead and put that coffee date, lunch break, or shopping trip on the calendar. Carve out at least an hour to connect and enjoy the company of someone you care about.

5. Create a Gratitude List

The whole gratitude practice thing gets a little too sugary sweet for me at times, but I can’t say no to a list!

It doesn’t have to be a daily thing, but perhaps once a week you can sit down and write about five things you’re grateful for in the moment. There’s nothing quite like writing something down to give it substance and meaning. It could be your cat, your television, your morning coffee, anything! Show some appreciation for what you care about by writing it down.

6. Drink 64 Ounces of Water

No, I’m not trying to give you diet or weight loss advice. But I am giving you self care suggestions.

I find that when I actually pay attention to how much water I am consuming I’m more grounded and focused. Don’t stress over it. Don’t obsess over it. At least one day consider how much water you’re consuming and aim for at least a half gallon.

7. Cook Yourself a Meal (And Only Cook that Meal)

I am a master multitasker. When I clean you’re guaranteed to hear my podcast obsession of the moment. Even at 4:30am when I’m feeding the pets and getting ready for the day I will listen to a playlist and organize my tracks for a class I’m about the teach. It is maddening!

It’s the worst when I’m cooking. I get antsy and feel like I need to fill the space.

Take time to cook yourself a meal and only cook that meal. Don’t check your phone. Don’t read a book. Don’t listen to a podcast. Cook yourself something delicious and immerse yourself in the process.

8. See 5 Things

I’ve played with a lot of different ways to settle my anxiety. This one works pretty well for me.

When things are feeling out of control and you need some grounding, look around you. See five things. Name each thing individually and truly see the thing. Take in its details. Don’t rush onto the next thing. Give each thing its time.

9. Talk to a Family Member You Don’t See Regularly

Perhaps your family is tight-knit and you communicate all day, every day, but that’s not the case for me.

Especially if your family is struin about the state, country, world, carve out some time to talk to them. Check in. Catch up.

10. Do Something Out of Your Routine

I live and breathe by my schedule! Take me out of my routine and I am all out of sorts.

However, I’m trying to push myself to get a little uncomfortable these days and force myself out of my routine. And you know what? It’s not too bad.

Try it out! Intentionally break your routine. Try a new coffee shop. Take a yoga class at a different yoga studio. Drive home on a different route. Changing up your routine can lead to a change in perspective and sometimes that’s exactly what we need.

11. Step Away From the Phone

I realize everyone has a cell phone for various reasons. I definitely use my phone more than I should. So let’s take time to consciously step away from the device.

Of course there’s times when the no phone rule is inherently already in place (hopefully), but consider ways that you can intentionally untether yourself from the iPhone for an hour or two.

12. Stay in Bed for 8 Hours

What? You already do this? Every day?

Let me just go over here and sulk with jealousy.

Now this may not pertain to everyone, but this one is incredibly challenging for me. I am a morning person. It does not matter when I go to bed, I am typically ready to fly out of bed by 6am at the latest. Unfortunately, my strong internal clock keeps me from getting adequate rest. Sure I could try to go back to sleep, however my mind usually freaks out during those moments and obsessives over my day’s to-do list.

If you’re in the same boat as me consider staying in bed for another 15, 20, 30 minutes than you want to. Even if you’re not sleeping, rest your body and mind in bed for at least eight hours. It’s not going to happen every day, but try to make it work at least a couple times a month.

13. Compliment Someone

We’re all in this life thing together, right? Why not brighten someone else’s day by sharing a compliment? It’s easy, free, and might be reciprocated to another person to create a beautiful cycle of feel-good compliments.

14. Give Yourself Some Compliments

While you’re out there complimenting others, be sure to compliment yourself too! You have amazing qualities that make up who you are as a human being and it’s important that you reflect upon those positive qualities.

Here I go with the lists again… if this is a hard one for you, try to write down three or four things you appreciate about yourself. Perhaps you can add to that list each day and at the end of a month you’ll have 30+ things to smile upon.

15. …Only If It’s a HELL YES!

I can’t take full responsibility for this one as a beloved student of mine shared this tip with me.

I like to say yes to everything. I do not like to turn down opportunities as I’m eager to please others and have the desire to explore new things. However, my eagerness to always say yes can sometimes cause me to over-fill my calendar which then leads to more anxiety. It’s a nasty cycle.

I started to notice my most important relationships were deteriorating along with my own mental health. It was time to say no! Just a few weeks ago I quit something. I never quit anything! I found myself backing out of a commitment because I knew it was not serving my best interests and wasn’t supporting me on my best path.

Moving forward when an opportunity that will take up time on my schedule and space in my brain presents itself I will only say yes if it is a HELL YES! HELL YES opportunities are opportunities that light my fire and excite me while also allowing me the space and time to focus on the people and things I love most.

You might consider doing the same.

Thoughts on a Decade of Teaching Yoga: Proud Teacher Moments

One of the coolest aspects of being a yoga teacher is the incredible people I get to meet through the practice of yoga. When I started teaching yoga I never realized the impact I’d have on those around me. Yoga can be a transformative practice for some. I feel honored that I’ve been able to witness the unfolding of the yoga practice for so many students.

I’ve witnessed the early stages of relationships at the yoga studio. Yoga students meet each other and connect on their mutual love for the practice. Eventually they develop a friendship or romantic relationship. It’s heartwarming to see the practice bring people together.

On the flip side, I’ve witnessed strong yoga students pull themselves back together after the ending of a relationship, the unwinding of a marriage, and even the loss of a child. Being a human includes experiencing suffering and pain. I am grateful so many people feel safe and supported through the practice of yoga to heal, learn, and grow and have trusted me to guide them in the practice.

Although the practice of yoga is more than conquering shapes, it always puts a smile on my face when a student shares with me that in that day’s class they did a specific pose for the first time. Yoga requires patience and grit. To witness a student try and try again until they get a certain posture is so rewarding.

In my decade of teaching I have many specific students and moments, big and small, that make me so proud to be a yoga teacher. One student in particular, Dan, has always given me those proud yoga teacher moments. I don’t actually recall when Dan started taking my classes, but his investment in his practice stood out right away. He’s that student that always asks questions after class. He’s that student that wants to learn more about the history and philosophy of yoga. He’s that student who joined me on a retreat and in his down time read the yoga books I recommended. He’s that student that prioritizes his yoga practice even with a busy schedule. He’s that student that reminds me why I am still doing this yoga teaching thing.

I always knew Dan would make a great yoga teacher if he ever wanted to consider that route. I was pleased when he approached me about teacher trainings. He expressed he wanted to do an immersive training and perhaps travel for the experience. I started doing some research and reached out to those who could steer Dan in the right direction. Initially I selfishly wanted Dan to study with my teacher. Unfortunately, my teacher doesn’t host many 200-Hour Teacher Trainings these days. Luckily, my teacher had a recommendation for another training that fit Dan’s needs. I passed along the information to Dan and before I knew it he had committed to a 200-Hour Teacher Training in Thailand.

Seriously proud yoga teacher moment!

As I type this Dan is out there exploring Thailand. His 200-Hour Teacher Training begins in just two days. I know his teachers will see what I see. I know his teachers will appreciate his dedication to the practice of yoga and soak up his insightful questions. If he decides to embrace the seat of the yoga teacher I know he too will experience the proud yoga teacher moments. It’s a beautiful cyclical journey that I hope never ends.

Weird Stuff Happens Sometimes

The past week has been weird. And by weird I mean trying and enlightening.

The touchscreen on my iPhone 6 went out on a Thursday. Now this truly is not a big deal. In the moment I was frustrated. I rely far too heavily on that device, but it was time for its four year-old life to end. I went to the Apple Store and weighed my options. The husband recommended I get a used phone through a third-party provider, however, I’d have to wait a few days for the phone. In the moment I desperately wanted my phone back so I asked my husband to pay extra (like a lot extra) to have the phone express shipped. I would receive my phone in 2-3 business days, rather than the typical 5-7 business days. (Continue reading and you’ll see why this specific detail is comical.)

I survived over four whole days without a cell phone, and guess what? I was fine! On Monday evening I received my new-to-me iPhone 8 and all was right in the world!

The unexpected cell phone expense was a downer, but triathlon training was making me feel great! I crushed a 2000 meter swim in the pool. I created a 5.5 mile sweaty, drippy trail during a training run in what felt like a billion degree heat. Things were great! Until they weren’t.

Now it’s Wednesday and I’ve had my new-to-me iPhone 8 for almost two days. After a long day of teaching I had dinner with a friend. The humidity was breaking and it seemed like a lovely idea to have our dinner outside. After a great meal and even better conversation, my friend and I paid our bills. We were wrapping things up when all of a sudden a person on a Nice Ride rental bike rode by and swiped my clutch/wallet/false purse (describing it to the police made me realize its classification was too confusing) from the table. After a brief moment of shock, my instinct was to run after the person. Sadly my legs could only manage a few blocks and I lost him.

In the moment I knew what was happening, but it felt as though I was watching it from outside myself. That clutch/wallet/false purse was just stolen by someone on a Nice Ride rental bike, but that’s okay. It’s not your clutch/wallet/false purse. Unfortunately, that’s not at all what happened. It was definitely my clutch/wallet/false purse and it contained just about everything important. The person on the Nice Ride got away with my drivers license, debit/credit cards, car keys, passport (yes, I’m very much aware that one should not regularly carry their passport), and the iPhone 8 that was in my possession for 48 hours.

That experience sucked. I needed to let myself be upset. The police heard me drop more F-bombs than I’ve probably ever said in my entire life (totally false). Eventually all I could do was cancel everything, utilize my spare car key, and move on. I didn’t sleep a wink that night and literally made myself sick. Feeling out of control and vulnerable is the worst feeling ever, especially for a control freak like me.

The next morning I rolled out of bed and had to take control again. One by one I checked off the list of all the things I needed to replace or renew. I gathered every single important document in my possession to renew my license after waiting for an hour at the DMV. I shared my story with horrified bank tellers who replaced my debit card. I went to not one, but two AT&T stores to replace my new-to-me iPhone 8. It’s kind of sick, but by the end of the day I felt like a boss! I checked off that to-do list and felt incredibly accomplished. The person on the Nice Ride may have ruined my Wednesday night, but I was going to make my Thursday glorious!

Although I was busy cleaning up the mess the thief had thrown upon me, all day Thursday I kept being overwhelmed by gratitude. It was odd. I mean I should have been raging mad for weeks! But I wasn’t. As I waited to replace my drivers license at the DMV I was grateful I had a flexible job where I had a huge chunk of open time in my day. I didn’t have to take a day off, file PTO, or sub out classes to sit and wait for my number to be called. As I drove to the bank to replace my debit card I was grateful I had proper transportation to get from point A to B. When I was setting up an installment plan to pay for a new phone at AT&T I was grateful I had a job and the resources to pay for a new device.

Weird stuff happens sometimes. It’s the weird stuff, however, that keeps things in perspective. That jerk on the Nice Ride did what he did and I can’t undo his actions. I have the ability to dust myself off, move on, and take a look around at the brighter side. On that brighter side I had a husband who held me up when I was falling down on Wednesday night. I had an incredible friend who watched the madness unfold and afterward generously and kindly did anything and everything he could in that moment. I had two amazing women who, although they didn’t know, tried desperately to follow the person on the Nice Ride in their car to help me out.

People on Nice Ride rental bikes might swipe your belongings from your dinner table, but I promise you there’s goodness out there too.

On a final note, I’m happy to share that my belongings, minus the cell phone, were found on Friday night. Huge gratitude to the woman who contacted my husband and me after she found my belongings! Of course this was after I had canceled everything in the clutch/wallet/false purse, but I’ve got my car keys back and the piece of mind that my IDs and credit cards aren’t just floating out there somewhere.

Before I wrap up this blog post that went on for too long, I want to be clear that having your sensitive information stolen is terrible and looking at the brightside isn’t going to fix or change anything. Looking at the brightside in many instances isn’t even a freaking option! But when it is an option, take the option! If you’re like me and something as small as a hangnail ruins your month it can feel impossible to think positively. But the longer we allow ourselves to fall further and further into the hole of despair the harder it is to get ourselves out. When stuff gets weird, let it get weird. When you want to freak out, let yourself freak out! Just remember that perspective is also important. A brief look around might be exactly what you need even in the weirdest of times.

Thoughts on a Decade of Teaching Yoga: Five Ways My Teaching Has Adapted

This fall I’ll be coming up on my tenth year as a yoga teacher. As I get closer to my teaching anniversary I figured I’d write a little bit about my process, where I see myself going in my teaching career, and reflect upon some of my favorite moments.

I recently had a friend ask me how my teaching style has changed throughout the years and what motivated my changes. Oh, boy. My teaching has changed quite a bit! I figured I’d put together five ways in which my teaching has adapted and changed over these last ten years.

These are in no particular order, but beautifully layer on top of one another.

1. Different Understanding of Flow

I came to yoga as a dancer. It was a natural transition and ultimately yoga became my new form of choreography. As a young yoga student I loved to flow and move rapidly through postures. My teaching also mirrored that style. I would put together massive sequences that would flow more than a dozen postures together on one side of the body and eventually I’d get around to teaching the other side. I truly thought all yoga classes were conducted in this manner.

Now, my classes are quite different. As I exposed myself to more styles of yoga and different teaching communities, I learned that flow doesn’t have to mean moving through a million standing postures. Flow can be simply connecting your breathing to the lifting and lowering of your arms in a seated position. In the last couple years I’ve started to lean heavily on teaching quarter, half, and variations on lunging salutations. Most students leave my classes amazed that simple movement helps warm the body and allows for a deeper connection to the breath.

2. Simplicity

Piggy-backing off of number one, I’ve noticed I have simplified my teaching. No longer are big flows the draw. Students tend to appreciate my classes for their stripped down quality. I now pack in less content in my classes. Less content let’s me thoroughly drive home the concepts and information I’m trying to convey.

In the same realm, through simplifying my classes I develop curriculum that students can follow. I stick with concepts, ideas, and families of postures for one to three months so that students can soak up the information. Yoga is a subject to be learned over time. Massive flows that change each class aren’t always the best breeding ground for learning.

3. Strength v. Flexibility

Again, I was a dancer when I was introduced to yoga. I wanted to gain flexibility so that my degage was higher. I definitely gained mobility through the practice of yoga and I appreciate my ability to easily move my hips and shoulders as I get older.

However, my teacher, Jason, shed light on the fact that vinyasa yoga often includes a lot of lengthening and stretching of muscles, but not a lot of the opposite. Take Urdhva Dhanurasana—Wheel Pose as an example. In my first few years of teaching if I taught a class on Wheel I would emphasize shoulder, spinal, and front of hip mobility. All of those things are still great and necessary! But now my classes also highlight shoulder, glute, and hamstring strengthening and engagement to support Wheel.

Especially with age, I have found students are gaining more range of motion when keeping a posture active as opposed to passive. Now there’s lots of debates on the topic, but that’s what I’ve experienced in my own practice and in the classes I teach. Plus, adding a new element to a posture just keeps things more interesting! It’s like making a posture three dimensional when you address flexibility and strength.

4. There’s More to Yoga Than Making Shapes

This is something I’ve always been aware of as a student of yoga, but didn’t always take to heart. Early on vinyasa yoga was my therapy session, my hour to connect with a community, my meditation, but above all else it was my workout. I wanted to leave a yoga practice feeling like I had been worked!

Using a vinyasa yoga practice as a workout is great, and if that resonates with you then stick with it! For me, the attachment to yoga as a physical workout had to change. In the fall of 2016 I started working out at a boutique gym, Fly Feet Running. They got me running, lifting, and working harder physically than I ever had in my life. And I loved every minute of it!

Because my physical body was getting worked so hard in the gym I was less interested in working hard in my yoga practices. Everything slowed down for me. I started to use my yoga practice as a way to slow down and nurture my body. I became more interested in doing a seated meditation practice over working handstands. Again, approaching the practice of yoga as a workout is great! But, for me, finding a new physical outlet made my yoga practice more sacred and important than ever before. That same idea has bled into how I structure the classes I teach, too.

5. I Got Older

When I started teaching yoga I was 23 years old. I was insecure, drowning in student debt, and had zero direction in life. When I taught classes I wanted to please everyone. If I ever got a complaint I would carry it with me for weeks! I would even take requests from students because all I wanted to do was please the masses.

Inevitably I got older in this last decade. I truly think getting older has created the largest impact on my yoga teaching. A large part of my teaching has simply slowed down. Getting older will do that to ya! Also, getting older means you feel less pressure to conform. This might be unique to me, but the moment I turned 30 I started caring less about how others see me. Of course I still care deeply about my students and want to provide the best experience possible in my classes, but I am now secure in my teaching techniques and who I am as a human being. My confidence has allowed for me to grow as a teacher and fully explore my style of teaching yoga without doubting or judging myself.

Be Unapologetically Passionate

Every once and a while after I teach a class a student will approach me with something along the lines of “I love how excited you get when you teach.”

The Minnesotan in me immediately wants to crawl back into my shell and wait things out when faced with a comment like that. My internal reaction is bizarre but real. When a student comments on my excitement I instantly see myself as a circus clown parading around my circus ring (the yoga room) in my oversized pants and a ridiculous smile painted on my face. I am a caricature waiting to pull terribly unconvincing fake flowers from my top hat just to entertain the masses.

As I’ve written many times before, the internal dialogue of a human being is outrageous. When a student shares with me that they appreciate my excitement it means they appreciate my excitement. It’s not a jab. It’s not a slight at my occupation. A student is sharing an observation and there’s no need to read any further.

It’s absurd that excitement seems like an emotion that should be contained. Excitement expresses passion. Passion expresses a sense of caring. Teaching yoga is my passion. I care very deeply about teaching yoga and sharing the benefits of yoga with others. So what if I come across like an overly zealous clown? I should be proud that students see and appreciate my passion.

Perhaps my thoughts on containing outward passion is connected to being a woman and the fear of coming across as crazy or hysterical. (That’s another post entirely.) When someone approaches me and commends me for being passionate I should embrace the acknowledgement. And you should do the same. We should all be so lucky to have a passion that we get to share with others.

If you have a passion, lean into that passion. Don’t face appreciation with guilt or internal storytelling. Be passionate. Be unapologetically passionate.